Sometimes when you're trying to make a decision and you really don't know which way to go, something happens to helps make the choice clear.
I unfriended Nic and Molly, two people in SL who were close friends, last night. It started with an incident over the past couple of weeks where two people were (rightfully) banned from their sim for some potentially destructive behavior. Except last night Nic became upset because he found out Molly had actually said hello to one of them, and in trying to defend her, I admitted I'd said hello to the same person inside a public group chat. Nothing serious, just being polite, just saying hello. You'd have thought Nic was Julius Caeasr on the Ides of March. He started telling me how I wasn't being a loyal friend simply because I was being polite, and without saying it directly, he communicated to me that in order to be friends with him I was to no longer associate in any way, shape, or form with that individual. And he accused me of either sleeping with this person or wanting to sleep with them simply because I said hello and acknowledged their presence. Knowing that if he could say that to me it would lead to his ordering to remain friends that I could no longer be in any group this person was in, or attend any venue where we were both there to see a performer, I decided a line had been crossed and I took the step of unfriending someone who has been there for me for over a year. And because Molly is with Nic and it would put her in too awkward a position for me to be friends with her and not him, or to put her in the same position I was in last night, I unfriended her too.
After crying over this for a couple of hours (and I'm still crying over it as I type and post this entry), I realized this moment was necessary to help me make a major decision. When I was first terminated from a group because I associated with a rival group the first group didn't like, I told myself I would not play that game anymore, as I had already graduated from high school. When I started not living up to 'standards' placed on me by friends in SL and 'disappointing' them, I made the decision to not accept new friend requests, and then reluctantly stepped away from that when new offers were made by people who'd read my profile and reassured me I would not be treated by them that way.
So having thought about things, I have made the decision the best way to protect myself and everyone in any group that I have ever built up a friendship with in SL is to simply terminate my friends list. This way nobody can terminate friendship with another in any group I'm in simply because I'm their friend too and I'm now on someone's shitlist. And nobody will have the power to tell me that I can't go somewhere that someone else is at in order to prove my loyalty as a friend. I still intend to remain social--I will go to the same places I have always gone, I will say hello to people, I intend to remain in the groups I'm currently in. But for all intents and purposes I will become the collection of pixels I wrote about in the last entry. I will simply live alone in SL and everyone will be happy.
I will send a copy of this blog post in a notecard to everyone on my friends list today, and then later tonight or tomorrow I will start eliminating my list. Please understand that for almost all of you this is nothing personal as I terminate my SL friendship with you. It is the only way I can think of to be fair to everyone. I will talk to you if I see you in SL somewhere.
On that note, I would like to say a few personal words to a few people:
To Nic Kelberry: I am sorry you feel like I betrayed you. And in spite of the words you said to me last night, and the calling me an asshole and telling me to not let the door hit my ass on the way out in email, I am sad over losing our friendship. I'd like to think somehow we can be friends again sometime, or that somehow tonight you're going to say you're sorry and desperately want to offer friendship to me again, but I know you have difficulty with that. In spite of our ups and downs I do like you. Good luck on your presentation and I hope you pass so you can continue your masters' studies. In spite of everything I don't wish any personal harm to you, apparently unlike the two who terminated your friendship last week.
To Molly Medier: I didn't mean to hurt you by terminating friendship last night. But I know it can be too awkward to be friends with one person in a couple and not the other, or to have to explain yourself when you are caught communicating with 'the enemy' behind the significant other's back. I do love you, sweetie.
To Matthias Connolly, Evangeline Grantly, and Brittany Sixpense: You accepted me and told me I could be whomever I wanted, from the first time I ever met you. I would hope the three of you might uniquely understand why I'm doing what I'm doing right now. Give my love to Lexie and know that I am still your Maiden. And I will see you at the next gathering.
To Daedalus Lemuria: You may be my oldest friend still in SL, knowing me almost from the beginning of my time here. You are off enjoying your RL and I rarely see you anymore. It's painful to let you go, especially since you and I share an odd RL birthday and stumbled upon that fact together--the surprise we both had to find another with the same birthday was palpable. Have fun, you deserve it.
To Foxxie Fang, Zoey Starsider-Kyomoon, and Geryn Sloane: We share the care and feeding of one person and that person is a wonder. We protect him because we know his talent and his dedication, and we know how special a person he is in RL. We still have that, no matter what. Geryn, if you don't become one of the top businesses in SL, there is no justice in the world.
To Ed Kyomoon: I still believe in you, and I still believe in your talent. And in the process of caring for someone with that tremendous talent, I came to know a wonderful person. I really could've gone for you if you'd not already found the one you're supposed to be with. Finish the CD and let the outside world hear you.
There are a couple more people I will send personal notes to outside of SL.
And I guess that's it. There will be those who will not understand and be upset at me, and for that I am sad. Is this the beginning of my goodbye and leaving SL? Maybe, maybe not, I have no idea. But at least this way you can't hurt me anymore and I can't hurt you, and maybe everyone will be happier because of it. See you guys around the Grid.
